remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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