he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
