Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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