then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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