Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
