just come out here and I will go home with you...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
