Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also, beer. Big fan.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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