she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pants are for mortals
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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