You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
