He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
