I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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