Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
