i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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