I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
