She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
