i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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