you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
