Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
