I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
