If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
