We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
