Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
