i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
