I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
