Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize