You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When are your genitals available?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
