i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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