she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
