So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
