I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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