Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize