today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
