I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
