This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize