During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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