Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
