I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
