He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
