he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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