hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
