I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
