If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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