I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
