When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
