how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
