Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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