i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
