I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
