i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
