Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
