i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
drinking out of a sandbucket again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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