Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize