Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
