idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
