Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
