i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
