why do cheetos always look like penises
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
