Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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