I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
