OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
