I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
