I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
