Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
