hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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