Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
