tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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