Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she pinky promised me she was 18
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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