I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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