Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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