and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
