first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
