Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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