I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
