It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
