I can text with my tongue
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think my moral compass just broke
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