jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
