ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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