I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
