She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
