I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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