then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
