I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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