I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
