weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
