Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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