We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Drunk is not a location!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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