WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
