I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
