I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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