Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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