Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
