I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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