I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
