distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
