today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
