There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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