then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
