He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
