tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
