if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
