The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
