i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
