the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
this hospital has no fireball
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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