life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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