Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize