the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
