my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
