she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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