i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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