at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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