There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
