So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize