I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
