I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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